Today I am proud to introduce the ThreadTripping loyalty program.

I think you are really going to like it.

The ThreadTripping loyalty program (unnamed presently, but we’re leaning toward “Tripping Hard” or “TTripped”) rewards you for behaviors we would like you to perform. For example:

• You shovel my driveway when it snows, you earn points
• You give me a neck massage when I’ve slept wrong and have incurred a kink, you earn points
• You hand me cash, you earn points

Yes, it’s that easy to earn.

There are literally endless ways in which to earn points. Hell, I’m open to suggestions.

And once you have earned those points, you can redeem them for fabulously luxurious trips to places you have dreamed of visiting. You can fly in an Etihad A380 Residence Suite. You can take your family on an amazing vacation to the Maldives.

You can even use your points to gain access to exclusive events like the Academy Awards, the Super Bowl, and to gain private meetings with world leaders like Vladimir Putin and Ayelet Shaked.

Redeem your points to meet “vibrant” world leaders

Yeah, she’s a “world leader” … look it up if you don’t believe us

Simply put, the ThreadTripping loyalty program is the most amazing loyalty program you will ever experience!

And earning points has never been easier. We’ve done away with overly complicated earning algorithms. With the ThreadTripping loyalty program, once we have agreed on a behavior that I want you to perform and you perform the required behavior, you just tell me how many points you want and, voila, they are yours.

• You want 10,000 points for reading me a story until I fall asleep? You got it.
• You want a bajillion points for filing my taxes? They’re yours!

You will be astounded by how fast your points balance can grow.

At this stage you might be wondering, “What’s the catch?”.

That’s a fair question. But the answer is, there isn’t one.

We’re going to play by the same rules current travel-industry loyalty programs that have earned your trust are playing by. If you are a member of Delta SkyMiles or United Mileage Plus then you would be crazy not to become a member of the ThreadTripping program. To ensure we are able to offer the above-mentioned benefits to all members, we have built in some protections.

(It’s important to note that, no matter how these protections might appear on their face, they are designed to protect you, the points earners. The following rules will ensure that we are able to continue to offer these outstanding benefits to you.)

1. Dynamic Redemption Pricing and Dynamic Availability

So you have done some snow shoveling, provided some nice hot-oil massages, and now you want to take your fiance to Paris to pop the question? That’s fantastic. Just send us an email and we’ll tell you how many points are required and when those awards will be available.

And if you don’t have enough points in your account, not to worry. Dynamic Points + Cash options are always available.

2. Legally Supported Right to Make Unlimited Program Changes

Worried the ThreadTripping program might be too generous? What happens to your hard-earned points if our business model proves unsuccessful and we go out of business?

Let those worries melt away, like the stresses of work will when you are enjoying your once-in-a-lifetime vacations. Our carefully constructed Terms and Conditions ensure that other, less honest members – not members like you – don’t take unfair advantage of our program and ruin it for everyone else.

The ThreadTripping program may be a newcomer to the game, but that means we are able to learn from those who came before us. Our T&Cs will closely match those of trusted programs like American AAdvantage, Southwest Rapid Rewards, and all of the other frequent flyer programs.

To protect you!

Get the rewards you deserve. Join the ThreadTripping loyalty program where our motto is, “You Must Be Tripping.”

(This is our beta tag line. Submit a tag line of your own in the comments section below and if it is selected once the program is launched – we’re currently aiming for 4/1/15 – the winner will receive BONUS points).