Introducing Whoosh! Airlines – Let Your Imagination Soar

It ain’t easy running an airline, even a fictional one. But that’s the challenge canucklad has set for himself in this just-for-fun thread in which he puts himself at the head of Business Traveller International Airlines.

In my role as CEO … I’ve decided its time to revamp my airline business. … I truly want to pay dividends to my greedy yet deserving shareholders … So I’m desperate to increase my year on year growth, both in customer numbers and profit margins.

Of course, it takes a pretty sharp mind to rise to the rank of CEO of an international airline (work with me here) and canucklad, being no dummy, knows there are several obstacles to achieving his goals:

Now my quandary, I’ve also got to appease interfering regulators, and don’t even get me started with my passengers. With they’re constant whining and whinging, quoting me EU 123’s and comfort levels this, and expecting stewardesses to smile and serve, and even worse, they expect edible food and some even expect Champagne. Don’t these pesky people realise that they’re getting in the way of me operating a successful airline.

Being the brilliant airline CEO that he is, he smartly enlists the help of others:

I’m sure as successful businessmen and frequent flyers you will have ideas that I haven’t thought about. Idea’s that will decrease my cost base, and at the same time convince the masses that my airline is definitely still worth flying.

And as if on queue, travelers quickly provide a host of can’t-miss suggestions:

Get full state backing and financing thereby minimising borrowing costs for new equipment and enabling gearing levels to finance expansion that no publicly quoted carrier in the West could contemplate. Operate in a political environment that does not tolerate dissent and awards few, if any, negotiating rights to employees. Then recruit an almost entirely expatriate workforce which, if it doesn’t like their T&Cs can be told to return home. ~AnthonyDunn

Cancel flights with spurious technical problems if not all seats are sold ~Charles-P

Anesthetize the passengers, load them on pallets as freight and then resuscitate at the far end. No F&B costs, no cabin crew to pay, no entertainment needed and no complaints. ~KarlMarx

Change the name. That indicates that things are going to change. ~SealinkBF

SealinkBF’s expansion on that answer is a must read – but you’re going to have to click through to read the entire post. Trust me, it’s worth it.

Read this terrifically entertaining thread in its entirety: Friday/ weekend fun topic —- Running an Airline (BT Air) – help needed

Air China drying the runway” by Dustin Brice. CC BY 2.0.

Comments

  1. Great thread! And that’s partly because it reminded me of a commuter type airline that I was forced to fly for many years between Denver and Colorado Springs. The suggestion that got my attention was:

    Cancel flights with spurious technical problems if not all seats are sold ~Charles-P

    But that was exactly what Rocky Mountain Airways did on a regular basis. In fact, it was so common that they barely tried to invent any technical reason! So I’d be coming back from California and I’d have to wait at their concourse as one after another flight was cancelled. Usually, they’d fly the accumulated passengers at around 1AM but if there weren’t enough passengers by then, they’d just bus us to COS.

    I realize this is only entertaining to me but it really does bring back the “bad ole days” at Stapleton:-)

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